Alright. Okay - I’ve got this...
Feeling that I was up against a wall last week my energy levels plummeted. While I was riding high on a brand new wave, I was also feeling super low. Shifting gears into veganism + cutting out alcohol at the same time was bound to create some effects on every level and holy jeepers did I ever feel it!
Interestingly though, while I understood that a lot of my physical fatigue might be due to the sudden diet and intake change, I knew that my energetic and somewhat depressive state was not purely a physical response - it of course was the result of an emotional and deeply spiritual shift.
Looking back, I can see that I’ve been in a seriously inward zone since the end of December, where any free time has been spent getting to know myself. I’ve created the space and preference to stay in every night if I so please, to read books, take baths, go for walks, take in a yoga class and anything else that suits my fancy.
Funnily enough, the weeks leading up to Day One, I was pretty much operating on full steam ahead mode. No matter how much I did, there always seemed to be more to do and the energy needed to do this was literally bubbling out of me like a spring of water! I wondered when it would cease and sure enough....
Boom, Week One! Gone.
But, Week Two was like the tiniest and slightest upward curve. I felt a little more grounded, a little more sane and more so than anything, I felt myself re-inspired spiritually. And let's be real - my decision to go off the sauce for 365 days was hella spiritual, folks!
All I can say is...
These are great words on paper, but imagine the words actually having life breathed into them. These words were drowning at my feet when I was at the height of my drinking and smoking career, then over time, they made their way up to my knees, then to my belly, then to my chest. When I went off booze and cut out all animal products, the words were no longer internalized in the lower half of my body, but I felt them sitting, dancing, talking - freaking celebrating(!), in the very front of my brain, between my eyes: Clarity; Awareness; Coherence. I was being introduced to them for the first time.
Call it what you will, but holy bananas, it's like a party at the front of my brain! Knowing that I can remember CLEARLY, I can recall CLEARLY and I can sit in my freakin' power because of that clarity, phew. I don't need to doubt my intelligence or abilities anymore because there's no veil blocking my view of reality.
Ok, so remember turning the dial on your alarm clock radio to try and get it perfectly tuned into your favourite radio station? Remember how annoying it was when it just wouldn't dial in and the program was a little fuzzy or would cut in and out? Then, the next day you tried to fix it by moving the radio around the room a little bit. You maneuvered the bunny ears, redial the knob and voila, it's coming in crystal clear?
Yeah - that's exactly what I'm saying!
There's no fog. No fuzziness. No veil. Just reality.
Week One, I talked about the whole 'just reality' reality as being a slap in the face and in many ways, it really still is. But Week Two was like a slap on the other cheek. The Universe slapped me upside the head and said "Hey Girl! Reality can sometimes suck and you're going to come across some major challenges (hell, you might be experiencing them right now) but can't you see the beauty in facing life with a clear mind?"
Why, thank you Universe, I think I'm starting to.
I read these words on someone's Instagram account (I cannot remember who!) and they have completely defined week two for me:
"What alcohol promises, sobriety delivers."
Ding, ding, ding! I've sat through awkward conversations, I've worked my tail off, I've attended live music shows, I've even sat across my good friend at the bar while she drank beer and I drank Kombucha and I was way more confident, way more present, way more engaged in the sweet little moments of life than I ever was with alcohol. And the funny thing is, I always thought that alcohol made me more present but, in hindsight it never did!
This idea that this liquid substance delivers something to us that we can only find through ingesting it and not within ourselves is B.S. Alcohol can never make us more present - it only deceives us into thinking it does. How many times have you forgotten conversations whilst drinking alcohol with friends? How many times have you made decisions you otherwise wouldn't have made?
I'm calling B.S on booze and all it's promises.