In the Driver's Seat

Growing up as a born-again Christian who spent hours volunteering at youth groups and singing in the church band, there was a time in my life where the term spirituality strictly referred to my Christian experience and my relationship with God. I guess that for years, the term spirituality was a neat little word that summarized if I was spending a fair amount of time reading the bible, praying, going to church and feeling connected to God and his message. 

In my mid to late teens (16-19), I went through a very white-washed hippie phase. I wore dreadlocks, a lot of earth coloured clothing and dresses over my jeans. During this time I read one of Deepak Chopra's books, watched 'What The Bleep Do We Know' and explored other similar titles. Though I could hardly understand the science behind metaphysics, the concept really intrigued me and provided me an alternative to that of Christianity. The entire conversation was WAY more open than anything I had ever been a part of before and instead of making me feel strangled, it made me feel there was possibility, not rules.

Fast forward to my later years (22-26) when I was a self-identified atheist and the term spirituality meant something different yet again - 'unbelievable' and 'unproven'. If it could not be proven by science then it was not true. Thanks to my well read boyfriend at the time, I was paying attention to the likes of Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins and others. Complicated discussions on free will and how every psychic is a fraud were the norm. In many ways, I returned to the black and white lens of my youth when I was a rather devout Christian, believing that things were one way, and one way mystery allowed.

Here I am three months away from turning 29 and I have somewhat returned to the spirituality of my late teens. I still can't quite stomach any Deepak Chopra (yet) and I still find a lot of truth and solid ground in Sam Harris and other rational minds. I don't believe in a God per se but I do feel connected to life and to nature. I feel a deep sense of home and knowing in my physical body and a unity with things and people around me. I feel pulled along with the cycle of the moon and to the rhythms in nature and I feel that the words I use to speak to others, to myself and about myself, affect my physical and emotional well-being and health.

I am my own power source, consciously taking action to control and steer my life. I am in the driver's seat...not someone or something else. 


This is my spirituality - what's yours?