When I wake up clear headed and connected, I pat myself on the back and feel certain that I am doing what needs to be done, that I am strong enough to follow through and that the level of trust in myself and the spirituality behind my decision, is leading me to an understanding that I can only glimpse at this point.
I had a difficult time completing this blog post about my one glass of wine because I wasn't sure how to present it in a way that satisfied me. Turns out, as the week progressed it became obvious that I might not be as clear on my boundaries as I would have liked.
Having a problem with alcohol doesn't always mean that your life crumbles into nothingness. It can look incredibly high functioning too. It can paint its nails and piece together super fun outfits, get a promotion or be a busy mom driving her kids to a plethora of after school activities.
Alcohol can be all those things and still be an issue.
Go for it knowing that it's not easy. Go for it knowing that it's actually quite uncomfortable moving against the tide. Yet, go for it knowing that it will get easier. Go for it knowing that with each passing day and month, and year, this quest becomes such a deep force that connects you with everyone and everything around you, that life will begin to become a little clearer.
You'll see and feel and hear and taste your own beauty and you'll know that you can't be stopped.
If we only knew how unbelievably unique each one of us is and how all of our feelings have a rightful place in this world. If only we knew that our feelings, both physical and emotional are trying to teach us something, that listening to our fears and anxieties for an underlying message is apart of the process itself. Our bodies are trying to communicate with us all the time, so why not take a moment to listen?
This idea that this liquid substance delivers something to us that we can only find through ingesting it and not within ourselves is B.S. Alcohol can never make us more present - it only deceives us into thinking it does. How many times have you forgotten conversations whilst drinking alcohol with friends? How many times have you made decisions you otherwise wouldn't have made?
I'm calling B.S on booze and all it's promises.
Cold, hard reality (CHR) is a tough thing to face and I imagine that many of us either think we don't have the resources on our own to deal with CHR , or don't quite know how to access the resources within ourselves to deal with life - hence using alcohol, smoking, weed, pills, food and more as a coping mechanism. It doesn't mean you're faulty or bad or wrong or insignificant or anything negative - it's just reality for the time being.
Here's the thing:
I know that women are the revolution.
Women are going to turn this world around and put it back into balance.
For years I have felt like a prisoner to alcohol and before that, to weed. I felt that change was out of my control and that the easiest and hardest thing to do would be to continue with my current lifestyle. For years, I woke up feeling like shit from drinking too much the night before, only to drink again the following night.
Not anymore. I have no idea if I want to be sober forever, but I sure am ready to see what it's like on the other side. I'm ready to see what stepping into my full potential looks like.
All of these feelings that revolve around the idea of it being super hard only seem to be contributing to my feelings that the challenge is necessary.
What is it about alcohol (even from where I'm standing today, where my relationship with it is completely different than it used to be) that gives everyone the heebie-jeebies to think of cutting it out entirely for one year?
This balance between male and female has been non-existent in our patriarchal world for too long. It isn't about male vs female or female vs male but rather, turning the volume knob on the feminine up to be at an equal volume with the masculine so we can restore balance and unity in ourselves and also on this beautiful, suffering planet.
We live in a world with so much distraction and where the notion of spending quiet moments with and by ourselves in effort to get to know ourselves, is not a normal part of the every day conversation. We are constantly inundated by both direct AND subtle messages of how we should behave, feel, look and act, that it is no wonder we (collectively) have little understanding of who and what we truly are as women. It is no wonder we struggle with self esteem and self worth issues! We give the power away to people and things outside of ourselves because we have no idea who or how or why or what we are! We are constantly being told how we should feel, act and look.
I am my own power source, consciously taking action to control and steer my life. I am in the driver's seat...not someone or something else.
I HAVE TAKEN THE POWER BACK AND PLACED IT DEEP INSIDE OF MYSELF.
This is my spirituality - what's yours?