To understand why I created Hey Sister, you'll have to understand a few things about me and my journey first.
FOR MOST OF MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL.
Whether it was through drinking alcohol or other vices, I had this idea that I was detaching from and overcoming the pressures of society when in fact, I was just swallowing them down deeper and deeper with each sip or each inhale. Building up around me was a wall of darkness that became harder and harder to see through. A wall of pain, shame, self-loathing.
It wasn't until someone looked me in the eyes and asked me "why do you drink?" that it dawned on me...
You mean, there's a reason for this?
The truth is there is more than one reason - there's actually a multitude of possibilities.
The thing is, the journey is far from linear.
It's more like a constellation of little moments and memories that stand out, some brighter than others. Some appear right away and others, appear slowly, over time through careful thought and reflection.
Starting to understand my relationship with alcohol led me down a path of total self discovery - the kind I had always heard of but never imagined would take place within my own self. Asking myself WHY led to other questions about my self worth and self esteem, my experience with Christianity, my fear of being looked at, my relationship with my menstrual cycle and my connection to the moon, issues relating to my physical body, my wants, my boundaries, my debilitating mentalities and habits and truly, so much more.
I have so far spent two years in psychoanalysis - or otherwise known as, talk therapy. During this process, I have felt called time and time again to bring this conversation to the foreground so that I can help others in their own journey.
A conversation not only about alcohol but about being a woman.
What does it mean to embrace ourselves fully?
What is the concept and teachings of the Divine Feminine telling us and why is this resonating with so many women throughout the world right now?
What about my intuition?
Almost every day of my life from age 19-27 I planned what drink I would have. Would I prefer a beer or a glass of wine? I often wondered, "is this normal?" The resounding answer that I got from society and culture and television was "yep, totally." So I continued.
But the little whisper eventually got louder and asking myself the same question all the time became exhausting. Having to justify my habit every day became a weight that got heavier and heavier as time went on.
My socially accepted habit was like a chain around my ankles and it seemed that there was nothing out there to help me - just boring statistics and out of date medical websites. I didn't identify with the popular definition of an alcoholic and yet that's all that seemed to come up in my search.
This unhealthy drinking habit I had developed seemed totally normal by today's standards. It wasn't until I was put on the spot and asked why..that is when everything changed.
Asking why was an essential part of my growth and the reason I am here today.
I am not telling you that you should stop drinking all together. I still enjoy a nice glass of red wine or a cold beer on occasion - this coming from the girl who likes really smokey scotch - and the journey to get where I'm at today took some time. But eventually I stopped craving a drink on the daily. I stopped needing it.
If alcohol is something you want to keep in your life, understanding WHY you drink is the only way we can make healthier and more informed, more conscious decisions.
Why would you give something outside of yourself the power when you have all you could ever need?
Isn't it time we had this conversation?